


The Heart Speaks in Whispers

by NerdyGrlWonder



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Let Sammy Be Happy 2019, Lost Love, M/M, Pining, Relationship(s), oh the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-05 17:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyGrlWonder/pseuds/NerdyGrlWonder
Summary: Sammy will never keep Jack in the dark about his feelings again...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you surround yourself with beautiful and creative people and the head canons fly and then your soul tells you to write the thing. Thanks, King Falls AM Discord ;-)
> 
> "And the heart speaks in whispers  
And so it's all over  
So they've already run  
And we all fall down  
And the clouds, they blot out the sun  
Very soon your world could be different  
But you've got your mind set on silence, silence, silence  
The skies will break for you, my friend"

There were so many things that Sammy had done wrong. At this point in his life, he was trying not to dwell on it all, but sometimes it was so hard. Even as he laughed and smiled with Ben and Emily and worked on his relationship with Lily, there was always that one thing, that oppressive weight crushing his soul. 

Jack.

His biggest mistake had always been Jack. Not falling in love with him; no, that was undoubtedly the best thing he’d ever done. It was everything else that he’d done wrong. Sammy loved Jack, had loved him from the moment he’d first met him, but they’d been too afraid to show that love to the world. No. _They _ hadn’t been to afraid to, Sammy had. 

He’d hide his smiles in public. He’d barely touch Jack if anyone was around. He tried not to sing Jack’s praises too high, lest someone realize how madly in love with him he was. Even when they were in the privacy of their own home, Sammy couldn’t find the words. Heaven forbid, he tell Jack how much he loved him out loud; someone, anyone could be listening. He tried so hard to show Jack how much he meant to him, how Jack was the center of his world, but he knew it wasn’t enough. 

Then, he was gone.

That’s what hurt him to think about the most. Did Jack even know how much he loved him? If only he’d said it more. If only Sammy shouted from the rooftops his undying devotion. If only, while Jack spiraled over a tiny, creepy-ass town and pushed Sammy further and further away, he had made it known that no matter what, he loved him.

_If only. If only. If only._

Sammy promised himself that if he ever got Jack back – when he got him back – Jack would never, ever doubt Sammy’s love for him.


	2. Chapter 2

<strike>My Dearest</strike> Jack,

I…God, I…. I miss you so fucking much.

Sammy


	3. Chapter 3

Jack,

You know it’s never really been easy for me to say what I’m feeling. I was always so terrified that someone would find out about us and that it would ruin <strike>our</strike> _my_ career, that I just kept everything inside. Hell, I don’t think I ever told you the moment I fell in love with you.

We were working on the next show in my apartment. Lily had gone to grab the pizza and it was just the two of us. God! I had such a crush on you and the second she left, I felt myself sweating because we were alone together. You’d asked me a question about a guest but I can’t remember what. I couldn't focus on anything other than you. I had been staring at you since Lily left. I remember you looking up at me and you smiled. It took my breath away. I <strike>loved</strike> love your smile. When you smile, you radiate light. Your beautiful brown eyes sparkle.

God damnit, do you even know how beautiful you are?

That smile, that one moment, I was truly yours from that moment on.

I will always be yours, Jack.

I love you.

Sammy


	4. Chapter 4

Jack,

Do you remember that little ice cream shack near our apartment in San Fran? The one by Crissy Field. We went there after the Pride parade. I refused to actually go to the parade, but I knew you wanted to be involved somehow. Rainbow ice cream at Crissy Field was as close as I would get then.

Do you remember when you kissed me in front of everyone there? I was so angry at you. There were so many people around and you were so caught up in it all. _You_ never wanted to hide who you were, who we were. You grabbed my face and kissed me with so much warmth and love and pride. I remember the joy in your eyes… and the sadness when you saw my reaction. I was such a dick.

I’ve been thinking about that day, that moment, that kiss a lot recently. I’ve been thinking about how perfect it was and how I wish, I had just smiled and kissed you back without the paranoia and fear.

I’m so, so sorry my love.

I am so, sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love pain! Do you love pain?
> 
> Here! Have some pain!

I used to watch you sleep. That sounds much creepier than it really is, but it’s also true. You always somehow managed to curl into a ball and steal all the covers, especially… once the nightmares started.

One night, you’d fallen asleep before me. Moonlight hugged your skin while you slept. You looked like a fallen angel. Have I mentioned how beautiful you are to me? You started murmuring in your sleep – again – and I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. I always loved hearing you talk in your sleep. Your sleep conversations were always hilarious; one-part conspiracy theory, one-part domestic fluff, all parts adorable. But this time was different. You sounded scared. So scared.

I didn’t know that the calls had started. I didn’t know how deep down the King Falls rabbit hole you’d fallen.

I tried to wake you. I tried so hard, but it was if… it was as if they’d already taken a part of you. You started thrashing and begging someone - something to stop, to leave you alone. I curled around you and shushed you until the nightmares went away. Or, at least, I thought they had. This became a normal thing. Did you know that almost every night, I would hold you while the shadows started to invade everything? I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.

God! Why didn’t I try harder?

I think I knew. It’s part of the reason I proposed when I did. Don’t take that the wrong way! Jack, if we could go back, I’d have proposed that day in my apartment when you smiled at me. But I felt you slipping away, and I panicked! I didn’t want to lose you. I couldn’t lose you! But I still fucking lost you and I’ve barely been able to function since.

That last night, the night before you… it was the worst night. You were screaming and I couldn’t wake you up. You fought me. You fought me so hard, like I was one of the shadows that had crept into your life. I sat up and pulled you close to me. You kept screaming for them, me, someone to let you go; but I held onto you, Jack. I held onto you so tight. I just kept whispering “It’s okay”, “I love you”, “Stay with me, baby” over and over again. I whispered and cried and prayed to whatever the hell would listen, that you wouldn’t be taken away from me.

And then the next morning, you were gone, and I was lost.

Sometimes I wonder who’s really lost. You or me.

I need you, Jack. I love you so much. I’m holding on because Ben and Lily and Emily swear, we can get you back. I have to believe we can get you back.

I don’t know if I’ll make it if we don’t.

Please come home to me, my love.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If we don't get Jack back soon, I shall explode. In the interim, have some more angst!

Jack,

I heard your voice for the first time in years today. You were talking about love.

Love.

You were always full of love. Love for your family and friends, love for those around you, love for yourself and who you <strike>were</strike> who you are. Love for me. The way you loved me, Jack felt like nothing I’d ever experienced in my life and I still managed to fucked it all up. I made you push me away because I didn’t believe you. I couldn’t believe in you. I would do so many things differently had I known, had I believed the truth.

Lily, she is truly a phenomenal journalist. She found recordings from our old show and played them for me. She’s here, in King Falls. She came looking for you too. Lily never gave up. She called me on my shit too, like she always has. She was always the one that we would both lean on. I never thought we’d talk again after how we left things.

I didn’t realize that the two of you had still spoken even after everything… We’ve made amends. Kind of. You know me; but she and I are better and it’s all thanks to you. It’s thanks to hearing you talk about love.

I heard your voice for the first time in years today.

Years, Jack.

I’d give anything to hear you laugh, hell; I’d even take you screaming at me as long as it meant that you were here. That you were back and with me. Honestly, I’m terrified that you won’t be _you _when we get you back. I’m afraid of what that place has done to you, but if I can see you, if I can hold you again, even if it’s just once…

We’re so close to bringing you home, Jack.

Soon.

I love you,

Sammy


End file.
